Christmas 2004

Hard to Believe
You can take the family out of the suburbs but you can’t take the suburbs out of a family. After three years of pretending to be big city people, the Johnson family has come home to Apple Valley. Leaving many people staring open-mouthed in disbelief the Johnson’s packed up their many belongings and headed south. When asked about their reason for moving back to Apple Valley, Chris and Barb respond, “Bigger Yard.” With the bigger yard came a smaller house so the Johnson’s have decided to have some of the kids sleep outside. Did I mention the MANY belongings?

Emily Finds Rodent in Home
Gleefully, Emily Johnson shouted upon discovering a rodent in the Johnson basement. A great celebration followed, as this was no ordinary rodent. Emily had indeed discovered the missing hamster, Marshmallow, who had gone AWOL earlier in the day. The Johnson family used to unwillingly live with rodents in their home. This year they have invited them in and fed them as well. If you can’t beat them, treat them as pets! Two hamsters have taken up residence in the Johnson home this year.

How Many Kids Can You Fit in That House?
Have you ever tried to stuff people into a phone booth? I guess that would be hard these days. Maybe you could try to stuff people into a cell phone!? Anyways, the Johnson’s have decided to see how many kids they can fit into their new home. When they moved into the house in June Evan, Nina, Molly, Aidan and Emily all fit rather nicely in two of the bedrooms. This left one bedroom completely empty, so the Johnson’s decided to start filling that room too. The latest addition to the Johnson family doesn’t take up too much space in the home but she fills their hearts to almost bursting. Raelea Renee was born on Nov. 5 and came home to roost Nov. 8. She is a wonderful addition to the Johnson family. Even the boys think she’s a keeper.

Tree Abuse Reported
It has come to this reporter’s attention that a stately oak has been subject to unheard of trauma this past summer. It seems that Mr. Johnson has drilled a hole in a branch on said tree and hung a tire swing from it. Although loud screaming is frequently heard in the area, no ambulances have been sighted. When Nina Johnson was questioned about this tree abuse she said, “This swing is better than any ride at Camp Snoopy!” Rumor has it that further tree abuse is scheduled for next summer. Stay tuned for more information.

Attendance Nearly Doubles
The Johnson’s Homeschool had a surge in attendance this year as the student population increased from three to five. Mrs. Johnson is concerned about the teacher-to-student ratio and is requesting more funding.

Boy Survives Fall
Evan Johnson survived a near fatal fall from a large pine tree in Siren, WI. His freefall from a height of 25’ was interrupted at 15’ when Evan became wedged between two branches. These conveniently placed branches saved Evan from near certain disaster, allowing Evan to escape with abrasions and a sore body.

Other headlines…

• Scooter injuries up significantly in Apple Valley

• Unfamiliar dog seen roaming Faith Park and surrounding neighborhood